Continuity Absent: Coffee. Kanye. The Club. Blood. Clarity. Spiders.
* Disclaimer: No rhyme or reason.
Did I mention that this post will be completely…without order.
I warned you.
You can still stop reading here.
Thought 1: I have absolutely no idea what I should write. Words. Maybe a poem about misfitting, or missing the past and innocence? Nope. Fitting words into a rhymed and timed meaning…pondering. No. Definitely not.
Thought 2: Sometimes you just get blocked you know? You try to put words together to create a coherent sentence, but you read what you’ve written and it’s…
Thought 3: Sometimes you watch things like this, listen to things like this and you think to yourself, “what on earth is happening to me, my brain, my heart,” any semblance of whatever it is you thought you had is dependant on your mood. It’s based on this decision I make when I swing my feet over the edge of the bed, walk downstairs to make my coffee, the decision to do something of use. The decision to make a tad of a difference, whatever difference that is. Gawd.
Thought 4: Wouldn’t it be great if you could just pin down one singular thought and bring those thoughts into action. I guess what I mean is, instead of just letting your brain whir, wouldn’t it be great if we could spin those things into actuality? People say that anything is possible these days, but I look around me and I see possibilities but only if certain limits are set. We’ve made it so that everyone could be special and by proxy nobody is. Our culture exalts money, self-importance, the need to be wanted. But how do you make people care unless it’s directly related to them? Hmmm. I mean people would read this post if it was entirely about…a Kardashian. Or would they?
Thought 5: !@#$%&! Bah! There you see, I am spiralling out of context, talking really about nothing…kind of like Kanye.
Thought 6: Frustration isn’t the right word. Chagrin. Yes that is right word. Much to my chagrin… And that is not new. Anyone who has ever read Fight Club or The Catcher and The Rye would know and understand where I’m coming from. I’m just joining the self-discovery-escape-meaninglessness-club.
Thought 7: At this point then I think people would chime in to say I should read more happy things, or stop watching the news. I can’t just turn off my empathy button. Nope. I think this caring thing I’ve got going on is the one good thing. Everybody has that one-good-thing they can’t rid themselves of.
Thought 8: When I’m driving I have the most iris-dialating moments of clarity.
I don’t know if it’s the feeling of darkness eating me up swallowing me whole, or that I turn into a robot going through the motions and I allow my thoughts to consume me. Either way; driving gives me clarity. If I turn the radio on, my thoughts become more focused. A commercial for Canadian Blood Services comes on every fifteen minutes, and sometimes they talk about leukaemia patients.
Thought 9: My mom. That’s all. How much I want time to freeze and I could erase her pain, and not just her’s, anyone’s gut-wrenching feeling of despair. But pain is necessary I’m told. Why? Maybe humanity grows from pain, and we learn to empathize and sympathize and just have general compassion with pain as a building block? If we could just learn those things without having to hurt…
Thought 10: The Supers. Hero’s and magic. Gawd. I remember a time back when I was ten and I believed I had the same power as Matilda. I tried for a full hour to move the minute hand on a broken watch with my mind-powers.
Thought 11: I need more coffee.
Thought 12: There is a spider on the window that I’m not going to kill because its little web is beautiful, its little life is beautiful and it calms me down just to watch it work. Spiders are my friends and I need to get out more.
Thought 13: But I’m at peace with my ridiculous skewed form of thought, I am friends with my it…or I will be in time.
Us happy people gotta stick together.
I depend heavily on my family and my friends whom I ask to send anything on happiness, motivation, how they find it all in the name of life and being able to live it. I am very grateful to them for their participation. If you’d like to do so please…drop me a line.~FindingFelicity
Please check out blood.ca to find a clinic and donate.
😉 Thanks guys. Your strength gives me strength. (Which movie is that from?)