*The Poison Pie column is a fairytale journal with real life implications. This is the first edition and it will appear weekly. We hope you enjoy reading.
Tattoos. I love them. They’re what black leather was to the 80s. Even Nancy Drew could buy and wear a leather jacket. A symbol of expression, rebellion but also function.
Expression. Tattoos express. And that’s why I wanted a poison apple inked on me.
I eventually decided against it in the end. But I was certain about it up until the day, even the hour, that I would get a poison apple on my arm.
Cause I’m poison.
There’s a quote. There are many quotes. But this one went like: “Sometimes you have to recognize when you’re your own poison.” And I read that and thought about how all the negative that I see in other people is more than often a reflection of what I see in myself. So hey we’re flawed in similar ways. But I don’t think that’s the meaning of the quote…
I think sometimes we see parts of ourselves in others even those parts aren’t there to begin with. Misconceptions, expectations, cognitive beliefs and even delusions of our own can easily be projected onto others. And they’re so fucked up or they’re so intricate that people don’t even know how to diffuse them or to prove you wrong.
One day I arrived late for work. And I was feeling anxious because I was late, knowing that everyone would think that I’m lazy, a poor specimen of workmanship, someone who takes advantage of others’ time. “Sorry, I am so sorry I’m late,” I apologized to my coworker. He promptly replied, “Hey, do NOT apologize to me. What the f**k? Don’t think I’m that small to give a shit about you being late.” I laughed because wow what a dramatic response. But I believed him. He did not care. And suddenly I wondered how many other people really didn’t care that I was late. I looked around and everyone was doing their own thing, running around school like usual, texting inconspicuously, drinking coffee, banging their head against the wall. Where were the snobby people who would judge me as lazy, a poor specimen of workmanship, someone who takes advantage of time? They were just inside of me. I was just reflecting them on reality and on people who actually don’t care.
In the end you imprint yourself on the people in your life. And most of the time, this is a good thing. But sometimes it’s not. Sometimes you’re creating poison in others, just a reflection of the poison in yourself.
In the TV show Once Upon a Time, the Beast falls in love with Belle and he says, “I love you. You are so beautiful because you see the beauty in others. And if there is none—you create it.” The same thing goes for poison and for ugliness.
I mean some people truly are ugly. But other times it’s just you using another person to see yourself. I want to be more like Belle and create beauty in others even when there isn’t any. But the truth is I’m more of Snow White’s evil Queen. And that’s okay. As long as I know when I’m handing out poison apples.
Until next time…live happily ever after.